Frusturated

I used to have faith that everything was going to be all right no matter what was happening in my life. After I lost Kimmie, it shook me faith that bad things could happen to my family. I have long since come to terms with losing a child and am thankful that at least she died before I really got to know her but I have never been able to completely get back the feeling of calm that would surround me and let me know that God was near and everything would be okay. There's no little voice telling me what I should do or that it will be alright. When I pray, I feel desperate instead of peaceful. Every time I start to feel that things are starting to work out, everything falls apart again. I am trying to stay positive and I know things could be much worse. It's hard when I see people who seem like everything goes so easy for them and everything is a struggle for us. I have to great kids who are questioning why God hasn't answered our prayers yet. They say it's not like we are asking for anything huge, so why aren't we getting it. It is hard to keep telling them to just have faith, that our prayers will be answered in the right time, when it is always such a tight crunch. I know that God has been helping us and it's not like I have no faith left but I don't understand why we have to constantly be right down to losing everything before something happens. Scott and have had major trials throughout our marriage and have I have tried to keep the faith throughout it but when does something finally good come of it? When do my dreams get to be realized? Why is it that when something good starts to fall into place, it suddenly fall apart? If it wasn't meant to happen they why hasn't what was supposed to happen happened yet? Everything is changing and I can't control the changes but I feel like it is spinning out of control and I can't feel God there to help stop it.

School starts again

Another school year starting. The kids just finished their first week. Brandon is in 5th grade this year and Jessie in 2nd. It is depressing to think this is his last year in elementary school. The school is doing upgrades and the main entrance is still not open so everyone has to go through one door which makes it interesting to say the least. The attendance has also almost doubled so at the last minute they added another 5th grade and 3rd grade class. They already added another kindergarten class to make three. I don't know what it is about school starting but the kids immediately start talking about Halloween and donating money to places. They always hit me up with the donations when I have the least money after buying all their school supplies. Do charities start promoting more at school time so the kid's see more commercials? I don't know. We are still planning to go to the State Fair next weekend and the Denver Aquarium in Sept and hopefully a few mountain trips before it gets too cold so they still have things to look forward to.

Brandon birthday

So Brandon turned 11. As usual Mom took the week of his birthday off for vacation so we did lots of stuff. We had his party on the Sat before and Scott's family came out on Sunday. On his actual birthday we went to the zoo. Dad even took the day off so it was a real family event. It was kind of cool because they changed some things around so it was like seeing it new. It was also cooler so the animals were out more than usual. We also went to the children's museum. It was okay but I wouldn't take the kids if they didn't have free tickets for themselves, they still had fun though. We went swimming although not as much as we would have liked to because of the weather. Brandon still had his baseball practice and game. Friday we took the dogs and kids to the park for lunch. It was a good week. Only two and a half weeks left before school starts. Also did I mention Jessie is taking summer tap classes? She likes them but doesn't think she is progressing fast enough so will be happy when they are over.

                                             Jess just loves her brother

                                               new pitching machine

                                             the fire station

                                        a police station to go with the fire station he already has like that
He also got some science experiments, and a few other things. My baby boy is growing up but he still likes enough kid like things to make it easier. More pics will be posted to shutterfly soon.

recycled dollhouse

This was my dollhouse that was made for me when I was about 6 years old. Jessie wanted it but it was starting to fall apart so we decided to make her one for Christmas. We made it big that way when she grows out of it she can turn it into a bookshelf or something. We took parts off the old one and put them on hers so she would have a part of mine.

While we were making Jessie's, Brandon said he would like the rest of the dollhouse to be made into a fire station for him. For his birthday we gave him his fire station. (more about his birthday later) We had to redo the top of the dollhouse because we couldn't put a landing pad on the old roof. Dad got really into it and kept wanting to add stuff but we ran out of time. I made a CWFS plaque for the outside and a fire painting on the inside and Chris and Dad are going to make furniture for Christmas to go into it.

So now my dollhouse is completely gone but lives on with the kids hopefully for many years to come. I hope they have as much fun with theirs as I did and appreciate the work that went into making them

update on Scott

So they spent 7 days at Black Forest and had 5 home. They had to work on the foam proportioner so they  had to take a few days off, long enough for Scott to get to go to Brandon's baseball game. Then Scott started to get ansy because the fires were going crazy and they weren't calling us. It is extremely frusturating to be right here and not get called. They finally called on him Sunday but he didn't leave until Monday afternoon. By then the fire was almost under control so he was only there four days. It is sad that politics takes precedent over people's homes. They would rather lose homes than bring in contractors as a priority. We are working on changing that but it is a slow process. In the meantime hopefully Scott will be out a lot this summer, we need a good season. Many don't think of the other dangers of firefighting besides fire. There is the falling trees, accidents, wildlife and poison ivy. The fire Scott is on right now he ran into poison ivy. Luckily he carries stuff for that so it didn't get too bad. They are also seeing a lot of wildlife running around. Some firefighters came upon and startled a mountain lion not to mention the bears, rattlesnakes, etc. We are hoping he will get reassigned to another fire but it is not looking likely right now. He does get to go to Brandon's game tonite though. He got really good reviews for going above and beyond firefighting. They helped a boyscout camp clear out and buried a cat that died from smoke inhalation. The family was very thankful that their house was still there and appreciated that they didn't have to see their pet that way. Most don't realize what all the firefighters do beyond fighting the fire. They also try to rehab the area after the fire, regrading dozer trails, filling in stump holes, etc. On the Black Forest fire, our crew spent several days filling in holes so families wouldn't fall into them when they got back to their homes. I am very proud of our guys.

Scott's fire

Scott and dad are on the Black Forest fire. They went up on Wednesday. They are on patrol making sure the fire doesn't cross fire breaks. They did manage to save two homes and some chickens. One of the homes had fire on it's deck and they were able to put it out before it did too much damage and started the house on fire. It makes me mad that people say that contractors are no good and it should be left up to the fire departments. I don't think the owners of the homes would think that of course they will never know it was contractors that save them. The boys don't do it for the glory but it hurts when we get a bad rap when they are just as qualified if not more so. Never say that one truck and three firefighter don't do any good.

Last day of school

Yesterday Jessie had Teddy Bear day at school where they got to bring a blanket and stuffed animal and play games and watch a movie. Brandon had a party because he passed his final math test which was a big deal for him since math is difficult for him. Today they got to go home after their assemblies were over. Jessie's was first. She received awards for super performance in reading, writing and math. Advanced performance in spelling. The Book It! rocking reader award, Awesome acts of kindness award, AR top 93% earner silver award, AR top point earner with 26.7 points, hard worker award and perfect attendance for 4th quarter. She would have had more AR points but she didn't think she could take more than one test a week until the last few weeks of school, then she figured it out and took a test every day. Next year she will know. I am very proud of her and know she will do great in second grade. She is my little ray of sunshine and is so smart and funny and lights up a room. Almost all of the teachers know who she is because she has that kind of personality that makes herself known anywhere she goes. Her teacher told us that she will miss her and she never worried about putting her in groups because she gets along with everyone and tries to make them all feel at ease.

Brandon received excellence in spelling and technology, Colorado historian award, a citizenship award for good behaviour and 4th quarter perfect attendance. He also made the merit roll several times this year. I am also very proud of him. He may never get as many awards as Jessie but he has greatly improved in most aspects of school. He improved enough he no longer needs assistance with reading. He is making great strides in overcoming his learning disabilities and I know that one day he will do great things and any shortcomings he may have in school he more than makes up for in his compassion and personality. He is starting baseball again this summer and is already showing improvement from last year. I know I am bragging but I am trying to embrace the fact that they are growing up great rather than to think about the fact that they are growing up so fast. It is really depressing to think that Brandon is going to be a fifth grader next school year. I just hope my next blog isn't complaining about how I can't wait for school to start because they are driving me crazy. We are taking them out to eat and to the drive in movies for their end of the year celebration.