Frusturated

I used to have faith that everything was going to be all right no matter what was happening in my life. After I lost Kimmie, it shook me faith that bad things could happen to my family. I have long since come to terms with losing a child and am thankful that at least she died before I really got to know her but I have never been able to completely get back the feeling of calm that would surround me and let me know that God was near and everything would be okay. There's no little voice telling me what I should do or that it will be alright. When I pray, I feel desperate instead of peaceful. Every time I start to feel that things are starting to work out, everything falls apart again. I am trying to stay positive and I know things could be much worse. It's hard when I see people who seem like everything goes so easy for them and everything is a struggle for us. I have to great kids who are questioning why God hasn't answered our prayers yet. They say it's not like we are asking for anything huge, so why aren't we getting it. It is hard to keep telling them to just have faith, that our prayers will be answered in the right time, when it is always such a tight crunch. I know that God has been helping us and it's not like I have no faith left but I don't understand why we have to constantly be right down to losing everything before something happens. Scott and have had major trials throughout our marriage and have I have tried to keep the faith throughout it but when does something finally good come of it? When do my dreams get to be realized? Why is it that when something good starts to fall into place, it suddenly fall apart? If it wasn't meant to happen they why hasn't what was supposed to happen happened yet? Everything is changing and I can't control the changes but I feel like it is spinning out of control and I can't feel God there to help stop it.

School starts again

Another school year starting. The kids just finished their first week. Brandon is in 5th grade this year and Jessie in 2nd. It is depressing to think this is his last year in elementary school. The school is doing upgrades and the main entrance is still not open so everyone has to go through one door which makes it interesting to say the least. The attendance has also almost doubled so at the last minute they added another 5th grade and 3rd grade class. They already added another kindergarten class to make three. I don't know what it is about school starting but the kids immediately start talking about Halloween and donating money to places. They always hit me up with the donations when I have the least money after buying all their school supplies. Do charities start promoting more at school time so the kid's see more commercials? I don't know. We are still planning to go to the State Fair next weekend and the Denver Aquarium in Sept and hopefully a few mountain trips before it gets too cold so they still have things to look forward to.